batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
