Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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