i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
