We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
