I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
