halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
