guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
