The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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