tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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