Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
