You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
