I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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