I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
