Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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