we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize