After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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