You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
