she woke up with a sticky ear
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
