i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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