There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
