i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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