those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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