you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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