I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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