I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
