we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
