i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
