I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
