uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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