I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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