One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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