Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize