Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
