I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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