she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
