I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
