yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
