I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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