He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Vodka?
Forever.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize