My first STD was from a foam party
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
