i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's no shave November. This is our time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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