I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
