Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
