I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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