sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
