I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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