#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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