there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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