Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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