I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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