my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize