Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
