the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
