Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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