He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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