i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Houston, we have a blender
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
