My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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