I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
