Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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