Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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