your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
