my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
