I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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