need another drink. this is the easiest way
Betty ford says i'm here all night
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
