Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
