just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
