Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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