When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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