I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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