giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
