We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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