Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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