It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
