you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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