i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
