They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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