He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
