i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
