i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
