i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
