Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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