You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I want to fling myself into the sun
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
