so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
