She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
