he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I party with great urgency now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
