I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
When are your genitals available?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
