the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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