Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you had me at cake vodka
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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