Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
