i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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