I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
