I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
