I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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