She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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