The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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