eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
