we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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