we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
