Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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