I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im holly from the hills drunk
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
