dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
