How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
