P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
