dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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