I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
