this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
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