How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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