Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize