Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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