Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
