I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
