Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
