Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
